The wound in my heart

Each and every time when I start thinking of him, I started to cry. He is not my bf, but someone I care and love most, someone that can always give me good advice. Although we didn't spend our time together much like other family, but he always treat me like friend, a best friend I ever had. Although we live at different place, I know that he care us much.

When he was sick, what I can do is try to take good care of him, help him when he needs me. Every time I tell him to be optimist, he always tell me that we don't know what he feels. Yes, I know we don't know how he feels when he have to chop his leg bcoz of serious infection, and he cannot walk by himself for more than half year. We know that his recovery will be very slow, but I'm willing to take care of him until he recover, at least I can take care of him until he is better. Yes, I did take care of him until he gets better, then I leave home for my further studies.

There was a holiday last year, which I'm so eager to go home to get with my family. But I didn't grab my ticket on time so it is sold out. When I talk to him, he sounds good and healthy, so as mom told me so. But then the nightmare came. At the last night of holiday, sis  gave me a call by using the house phone. I start to feel something bad happened at home, but I never think that it was far serious than I thought. I never thought that death will set us apart so fast. I cried for whole night, and didn't sleep for whole night. And I even start to afraid of my six sense, bcoz I can always know what happened to those I care most when I need them but I think it is just my thinking. I cried all along the journey home.

When I got back home, I eard from the maid that took care of him says he was hoping me to get home during that holiday. I start to feel so sorry and regret bcoz I didn't go home. At least I can spend more time with him. Until now, I still can't let go of that regression.

Now when every one says that "U hv to be strong", yes, I know I have to be strong so that my grandma and mom won't worried about me. That y this wound and my regression was kept in my heart for so long, or maybe I kept those so that I won't forget him bcoz we have so less memories that we r together. Maybe that is how I wanted to keep him in my mind. I love him so much.

Dad, I miss u so much. I love u.....